It's crazy to think that the third week of my work is already complete, especially when I'm only just feeling comfortable with and skilled at my position. Unfortunately, I have still not been able to interact with children, as last week's scheduling was canceled. I cannot help but feel somewhat guilty for my lack of exposure to the community and its issues. When talking with others, I realize how engaged in and moved they are by their experiences. This in no way means that I am disappointed with my agency-this is an amazing opportunity that I am grateful to receive, and I am learning a great deal-just that I am experiencing something with a different focus than I had anticipated. I am applying to medical schools this summer, and this research is amazingly appropriate for these applications. However, I have not been 'moved' by any particular event that has caused me to take a moment and reflect or to consider wholly some aspect of social justice. It was relieving to discuss this in Friday's session, and I received helpful feedback. I think discussing this with my direct supervisor is feasible, and I'm confident he would be receptive to my concerns. Moreover, part of research is reading MANY articles to familiarize oneself with a relevant topic. I am going to try and locate articles that relate to my research objectives, but also address the implications of the research and provide the social context in which the research is being conducted. I do believe the research being conducted is related to social justice, but that it is on a much longer time scale than is readily visible in a summer internship.

I really am enjoying my internship! It's a great opportunity to learn the ins and outs of a world-class research institution and it is an experience that will serve as an asset in my medical goals.

Friday's visit to Fortune Society was a great experience, especially after feeling removed from CUSP's focus. I was immediately impressed with the facility and its operators. The discussion prompted a series of thoughts, the overwhelming two of which were frustration and privilege.

The first source of frustration lies in policy, and to better illustrate I will mention my specific concerns with drug laws. It is ridiculous to think that the enactment of drug laws is making a community substantially safer. This is because - the way I see it - the use of drugs falls into two categories. The first of these involves the naivete inherent in adolescence. Children are bound to make mistakes. It is virtually impossible for them to recognize the consequences of trying a hard drug and, as a result, abstain. They are more absorbed in their curiosity and are in all honesty quite likely to come across something. This can be compounded with compromised situations of all sorts, causing them to 'sample' a particular substance. That doesn't mean they are a criminal who should be locked up; they didn't harm society in using the drug. The only argument I would support in the enforcement of drug laws is the avoidance of drug dependency. However, it is silly to presume that by sending a person to prison the problem is fixed. I found that Barry illustrated this idea well when talking about the drug accessibility in prison, as well as a person's unresolved addiction when released from prison.

In writing on drug laws, I am immediately reminded of many other issues mentioned in the discussion, including the removal of rights (ie voting, student loans, etc.) and the horrible conditions on Rutgers Island. It's as if policy is itself catalyzing the falling apart of people's lives once they initially make a mistake. While I could go on, I will save these thoughts for verbal discussions and move on to discuss privilege.

Dr. Kiely discussed once the idea of social networks and how his personal network would prevent him from ever having a social collapse. This is something that has stuck with me, because I couldn't decide whether I completely agreed with or utterly disbelieved him. After listening to Barry and the discussion on Friday, I decided that he was indeed right in his argument. My life hasn't been the easiest to handle at times, but I realize now that my privilege over the years has connected me to more people than I care to approximate. A result of this is that, even if I've REALLY pissed some of them off from time to time, I recognize that they're not going to sit back and watch me fall to the floor. Because of this privilege, people usually do one of two things. Some take advantage of the privilege, knowingly make mistakes and get away with inappropriate actions, and others take comfort in and feel grateful for their privilege. I like to believe I belong to the latter category, but I won't be the judge of my own case! What's important though is that many people don't receive this privilege, and it is unfair. What's worse is that by not receiving the privilege, they are already at a disadvantage and I can only imagine that they feel as though they're bound to make a mistake and will be powerless to the consequences. It is unfortunate and unfair that people in the facility most likely got to where they are today largely because they didn't have the privilege others have, not because they are intrinsically bad people. It is this point that brings me BACK to the frustration, because I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but it seems pretty clear to me that policy is addressing the wrong problems. Why, then, are the policymakers facing the wrong direction?

Barry stated that it is a matter of public safety that conditions for previously incarcerated individuals be improved. I think that is one of the most accurate points I've heard made in a long time, because it is true on so many levels. I'm not going to describe them HERE though-so you can just sit back and think about that!

I hope that the upcoming weeks are just as influential as Friday's session was, and I look forward to these possibilities.